A water well is such a necessity. Those of us who live in cities and turn on the faucet take for granted how easy it is to access water and bring it up from wherever the water comes from, an underground aquifer or spring, river or even man-made reservoir. I happen to live in the country away from the water districts and have “drilled” well that reaches down into the darkness underground to the underlying aquifer of water and brings me access to bright, clean water each day.
When I think about wells, though, I think about the well we had on our farm property growing up. We had a big top on it and when Dad periodically took the top off, I could peer down into the darkness to see if I could see the bottom or see the water. I couldn’t and it always was scary to me to peer down into the well and think about all the creepy crawly things that might be down there (there weren’t because he kept the lid on) but my imagination in the dark could run wild.
I have been thinking about the darkness in the well of my own soul. I take it for granted that I will get clean, loving thoughts and emotions from it. I can just get up in the morning, start my day and out comes goodness, kindness, peace, love and joy. NOT!
I am surprised by the dark, creepy crawly creatures that linger right under the surface when I am not drawing the fresh clean water from the well of my soul and letting God bring light into my whole being. These last weeks have been filled with family outings, family health crisis (my 93 year old father-in-law had a pacemaker put in – he’s doing well – amazing modern medicine!) extra people in my home, and my own distractions. I haven’t been sitting and doing my regular time with God or having the solitude I usually get.
The result is I begin to control everyone in sight! I get snippy, cranky, and of course, know how everyone should be living their lives. I become the wicked witch of the West. Not pretty!!! I realized that when I get so outwardly critical and controlling that the darkness is calling me to come into His light.
He gently reminded me yesterday that for 10 days straight, I have been running and not taking care of myself. The martyr in me rises up quite quickly! How do I get back on track and throw those creepy, crawly things out of my well and come into the light?
The rest of my world will function fine without me for a while. I need to get away and spend time with and for myself. I do that and then I fall away. It is a consistent battle, and yet one I know I need for my soul’s nurturing.
I was doing a good job of beating up on myself. ” I should do this. What is going on? Why am I like this? Why am I not doing that? I will never do ….. “The negative self-chatter was going strong. That was another indicator that I wasn’t taking care of myself. I would never talk to a friend like that. God doesn’t talk to me like that and He doesn’t want me to talk to myself like that. I can use the negative chatter as an indicator that it’s time to refresh my soul and sit down with God. I am to be gentle on myself.
Especially in Wisconsin, spring is so beautiful. Outdoors is one of the most healing places to be. When I get in these dark moods, I know I haven’t been outside much. Even yesterday, I spent much of the day outside, enjoying God’s beautiful creation and enjoying my husband’s company. What a difference I felt at being outdoors!
What about you? How do you bring yourself out of your dark places? I would love to know. If you would like someone to accompany you and listen, please let me know.
Nancy Booth is a certified spiritual director. She walks alongside women who are seeking God’s fingerprints in their lives and want more awareness of what their own true identity is. She helps women shed hurry, worry and disconnect as they seek to hear God’s voice in everyday living. She has a private facebook group that also prays for one another that you can join. She would also love to pray for you. Send your request for prayers and to join the closed Sacred Moments Seeking God facebook group to firstname.lastname@example.org